I worked at Opryland U.S.A., an amusement park and super-nice hotel where I would later meet Donald Trump and Tony Robbins — and speak on the same stage as them, but that’s getting ahead of the story. I worked as the receptionist for a psychologist who had just been hired to be available for any Opryland employee to drop by and chat with him. It was a new employee benefit… one of the first “Employee Assistance Programs” created by the new “Human Resource” departments in the country.
The doctor had done his thesis on “country music” as a causal factor of depression. I read it. He made a compelling case. In correlational studies, it was clear that there is a positive correlation between suicide and a change in lifestyle (such as moving to Nashville) that exposed one to more country music. In experimental studies, those exposed to country music dropped in self-reported mood scales — more so than any other kind of music.
“There’s a tear in my beer and I’m…”
Kinda makes you wanna drive your pickup truck over the levee into the Cumberland. Alcoholism and drug addiction rates are also higher in country music listeners. I told Heather about the results. She was not amused. So, I took her on a date to Opryland U.S.A. where I had free admission. That didn’t amuse her either. She didn’t like roller coasters.
So, it turned out that she really did know a bunch of country music singers already. We were often invited to local bars where big name country stars were playing. It is a Nashville thing, when they are in town, they share their talent with the locals. We were always invited to the musicians’ or the band’s table. During breaks, they would come over to say “hi” to Heather and she would introduce me as her fiancé!
I met Hoight Axton, Dwight Yoakam, Exile, Restless Heart, Billy Joe Royal, and many others. It was interesting to me that they knew Heather (at only 17 years old) and referred to events in their shared past. I wondered how all that happened.
One Sunday, I found out. It was either the time I met Restless Heart or Exile. I forget which one was first and which one Heather toured with when she was 14.
We went for breakfast on a Sunday at the Shoney’s on Demonbreun Street. It is another country music tradition in Nashville done to keep fans in connection with the bands they love. Whenever a band starts a tour or ends a tour, it is done at Shoney’s on a Sunday morning. All Shoney’s have an “all you can eat” breakfast bar on Sunday mornings. This special Shoney’s on Music Row in downtown Nashville had a bus entrance right in front of the restaurant. That way, locals could easily read the band names as they drove by and decide if they wanted to come eat breakfast with them.
Inside, Shoney’s (much like Denny’s which is more popular in California) is a breakfast diner with booths and tables, like any other diner. But on Sunday mornings, members of country music bands wander from table to table or booth to booth and sit down to chat with their fans.
We were seated next to the window and I could clearly read the name of the band on the bus (either Exile or Restless Heart) and a sign on the other side of the front that read, “No Fat Chicks.”
Pat was obese. Heather could not be described as skinny. The band was one they always talked about and claimed to have connections to. I wondered how they felt about that sign. I also wondered if they would recognize Heather and run over to greet her as other stars had done.
Well… they did. Sammy seemed especially smitten with Heather and bubbled about good times they had together in the past. When Heather introduced me as her fiancé, he looked very disappointed, but congratulated me.
After he left, I watched as he went to other tables. He didn’t seem to know these people. They were just fans. Maybe he originally met Heather at one of these Shoney’s fan gatherings. I asked.
“I think so, it was where he asked me to go on tour with him.”
I looked at the “No Fat Chicks” sign.
“On the bus?”
“Of course we toured on a bus. All country music bands, tour by bus…even Hank Williams Jr.”
“How old were you?”
She looked nervously at Pat and back to me, but Pat answered.
“She was fourteen.”
“You let her go on a bus tour alone at fourteen?”
“Yeah, That’s how it’s done. How old do you think these other girls are?”
I looked around and realized that there was a young teen girl sitting at most of the tables and booths. They all had their hair done and were wearing makeup. I suddenly saw that the girls were the spotlight of their tables. Most were with their moms – only a couple with both parents. Some had siblings, but their siblings weren’t made up or wearing nice clothes. Then, I noticed two had bags next to their table… just a small roller bag – but, just one bag sitting next to the dolled-up girl. None of the others at the table had a bag.
We did this Sunday tradition twice. I think I actually saw the selection and send off of the girl the second time. She looked thirteen to me. Her mother fussed over her at the bus entrance for a couple minutes after the twenty-five-year-old musician who had selected her had already stowed her bag. I saw him take her by the hand, kiss her on the lips and lead her onto the bus. I was told that she would ride with them on tour across the country for about four months and then she would be delivered back to her mother right here at this Shoney’s on a future Sunday morning – with lots of stories to tell about her summer camping trip with a band. 1986, or possibly 1987.
You can purchase “I am James,” the book containing the above story, on Amazon.
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